I’ve felt every emotion underneath my skin lately.
This morning when I woke up, it felt like an itch and a raw open wound, the worst kind where I couldn’t even put words to it, even when my best friend asked me about it and I can normally tell her anything.
I am struggling to sleep and I’m having emotions I can’t even put to words, no matter how much I try – and I’m normally good with words.. It’s been so wild that I’m scared that some people will turn their backs on me.. because they don’t know how to deal with it.
Today I’ve cried. I’ve yelled. I’ve sat in the middle of a very messy office at home, which is more of an accumulation of notes and to-do lists and daily reminders of things I should accomplish these days, wondering hysterically how I’ll manage to get all my work done and when this all will end.
I’ve taken 10 min naps when I get home so I can just regain focus. There was a little bit of wine, maybe more than a bit. And coffee like a flood, all day, everyday, even muffins and wine-gums and I actually really hate sweets.
I feel absolutely fucking crazy. And there’s so much work, which makes me happy, and I’m trying not to stress but you see, I mostly manage everything professionally on my own.
But my emotions are flinging themselves at everything. And I’m simply watching it all happen, trying to get by. I really try..
I don’t know what to do and I can’t put these feelings into place but if I keep pretending the world is okay, I’m scared I’m going to lose my mind if I keep on pretending… where all I want right now is loving arms telling me all will be okay…