No more Victim

Over the weekend I had a conversation about life choices and experiences and I remember clearly saying “Well it took me 20 years to learn that lesson”.

In my 36 years I have experienced life altering situations and some deep emotional trauma, and I certainly know that other individuals have suffered far, far more than me, and I deeply empathize with every individual who has suffered pain and loss. But it wasn’t until recently where I had to try and stand up from a painful situation that truly hurt me from the core and that has turned my life onto another path that I could barely even fathom at that moment, let alone stomach.
The loss was so great that I had to completely start over again, mentally, physically, financially and emotionally – in every sense because I have lost myself so much in the process that I hardly recognized myself.
It took this big event of trauma to finally topple me to accept the truth. It wasn’t until I was forced to my knees and at the point of giving up on life that I finally got it.

The truth was I had never learnt how to be authentic, supportive and compassionate with myself.
I told myself in order for me to never experience what I went through and no longer be a victim I had to research, learn and channel as much information as I possibly could about how to turn it all around and learn from my experiences.

They say that in order for you to recognize love,  sometimes one must at some point experience how horrible hate feels.
I had a choice in that moment that the only way I can move out of being the victim, is that the only person that has control over me – is me, no one else.
I also realized in order to take the most positive out of negative situations, I had to start digging deep within myself and find my true purpose, which resurfaced very early in the self discovering stage.

I have always had a lifelong desire to motivate and inspire people and I realized the only way to do so is by sharing my journey, educating and empowering someone else to move from victim to victor and I am investing my time now in trying to live this purpose.

When I went through a hard time, I had an incredible support system and from that moment onwards I have made a conscious decision to surround myself with only the best humans, people with great moral values and that essentially want to help me help others and wants to see me grow.

Trust me, it’s not always easy and I have learned that life is about full circles and when certain things are unfinished, as far back as 13 years in my case, that you need to just be confident and patient that only time will bring the correct closure.

I had this moment recently, possibly the most pivotal moment in all of my life, that I had to make certain choices for my own sanity and that by making these decisions for my present and future, I had to place myself first. I realized that if I want to make a change in other people’s lives, I have to place myself first. If I want my voice to be heard, I also have to listen to my own inner voice.

Part of loving yourself is about forgiving yourself. Part of moving on from being a victim to a victor is standing up for yourself and place yourself first, this does not make you selfish, this makes you equipped to help others better.

My life now might not be how I envisioned it a year ago, but I can tell you that it is much better.

Painting by Tanya van Graan

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