Thoughts about 2018

With only 2 months left of this year, I thought of sharing my thoughts about 2018 in this post with you.

I know about so many people that are going through a hard time. They are struggling with low self-esteem, they feel pressurised to be perfect or live up to the idealism our society puts out there, it is making many of them super sad and depressed. I have been one of them, and as hard as it is to admit it, it is true.

I have always said I want to share my journey whether it was about travelling, entrepreneurship or love. Jada Pinkett Smith shared in one of her Red Table interviews about a point when she turned 40 she wanted to stop giving pieces of herself to everyone and pleasing everyone. She wanted intimate time and wanted to stop living up to an idea of living the perfect life. I totally get that. It has been my biggest challenge this year.

Nothing I have planned for 2018 played out the way I hoped it would. I entered the year with a book filled with goals, plans, dreams and aspirations. I had it all mapped out, but when I went through that same book two months ago, I did not resonate with one thing. The Universe clearly has other ideas.

I was forced to step outside of my comfort zone and love in a way I never knew I was capable of loving. Then let go of that same love, knowing it did not serve me right, even when it was the most difficult decision to make. Gabrielle Bernstein calls this your biggest spiritual assignment. When you put yourself first beyond the idealism of others, even yourself.

It forces you to start saying no. To begin living an authentic life, even when you are afraid.
It asks of you to forgive those that hurt you and set them free, even if they never apologise for hurting you. In the same process, you learn that sometimes you live a life that is not serving you at all.
I am currently in the most uncomfortable place I have ever been in my life –trying to figure out what I REALLY want for my life. Not what people expect of me, but what my heart desires.
I am forcing myself to sit in quietness and step outside of the person I’ve been and remember the person I was meant to be. The person I want to be. The person I am.

I know that in the past year I have learned that I have a voice and that I need to stand up for my beliefs, the people closest to me have seen it. It took me out of being compliant and demanded of me what is rightfully mine, refusing me to settle for anything less than what I deserve.

I lost patience in small talk a while ago, maybe that comes with age, I am not sure. I am finding it hard socialising in artificial environments, and I know that too is okay. I am falling more and more in love with midnight conversations with some of my best friends, and it is showing me the meaning of having true connections and energies that serve you well. Travelling and making new memories taught me how to be less in control, even when it made me feel like I am losing control. It is asking me to stop over-thinking and start living – like really living. I am learning to permit myself to fall as long as I get back up again.

In this process, I am also learning I need to share the experience with other people – the good and the bad. That when I share my story, I am helping others to acknowledge their story and struggle as well.

So my message to you is, know that whatever your struggle is right now, whatever you are facing, be gentle towards yourself. You are not supposed to be perfect. Your life is not supposed to be right all the time. There is no light without darkness. There is no happiness, without sadness. Learn to welcome whatever comes in your life. And then let it go.

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